Screenplay: Oh, the Inhumanity!
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That Guy:
(on subway, to another guy) So, the cat keeps clawing the bedpost and, I mean, we spent like 3K on the thing, so I’m really getting pissed...
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That Other Guy:
(shakes head, sympathetically)
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Some Lady:
You really shouldn't call he/she “the cat,” it's so belittling. She/he has a name, a personality, an identity, I assume.
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That Guy:
(raises eyebrows and turns to the women, who is sipping from a PETA branded SIGG thermos) Uh... okay, well, let me tell you, when asking after my kids I say, “Hey, where are the kids?” and sometimes I say, “So my wife was running errands and...,” or even better, “The boss is being a real dick today, isn't he, Bob...?” And Bob says, “My name’s Mark.” Sometimes, I even point to the local television broadcast and say, ”Hey, that guy, I know that guy! Do you know that guy, because that guy is quite the guy. You should really meet him.” Occasionally in a belittling gesture of disrespect, I even refer to “the president” or “the cable guy” or, you know, “that cashier at the 7-Eleven with the ruddy face and the nice smile.” Pardon me, ma'am, if I resort to speaking about my pet in the most humane way I know.
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Some Lady:
(bristles) Humane!?
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That Guy:
(interrupts) Yeah, humane, you know, like I treat human beings... with generic indifference.
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Some Lady:
(spews) You're a piece of work, you really are! It's people like you... I should call the guy at the Humane Society...
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That Guy:
(grins) The guy?
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Some Lady:
Wha... That's different... I mean...
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That Guy:
(turns to that other guy) So did you see the DOW this morning? That broker... is it Dave? Whatever, that broker, you know the one, I'm thinking of having him reassess my portfolio, reinvest maybe...
